among other things

I am enjoying battlefield3 on the xbox 360 my gamertag is raiLhog hit me up.
I like playing support in Squad DeathMatch. We like to dig ourselves in a choke point area and I claymore around us and we just get ourselves stuck in and hold that position. It”s an awesome strat that works on some of the maps.

lol

Musings of 2011 – emptiness

I’ve done a lot this year.. I dated a ton of women… I was known as a serial dater lol. Depending on who you asked it could be a good or a bad thing.. like most opinion based titles. Either way it was pretty interesting. I figured out a ton of things about myself or I should say I see a lot of things that I am missing. I am not depressed or sad… in fact I know my life is pretty good. I make decent money and I am able to help my mom and little sis’ quality of living. I took a step back and looked at myself as a person. I’ve seen the things that I am lacking. One being tolerance another being patience.. depending on how you look at them they could be considered the same thing.

I have always not given people more than 1 chance. I have been betrayed by people I considered my ‘best’ friends. That was my excuse. I figure if you do something one time you will most likely do it again. Intolerance when it comes to issues involving trust was my main problem. I would drop friends at the slightest sign of shadiness . I am doing my best to stop being this way more or less. I have made up with people that I have stopped talking to and I am doing what I can to not think of the past when it comes to things like this. Plus it’s kind of petty to hold a grudge with people right? lol

Anyways one of the things that seem to always creep up on me is the feeling of emptiness I get. It’s not depression I thought it was at first but it seems more on the lines of not having any real desires for one self. Like I do things for entertainment purposes and I work, have a job and plan my future out in order to be successful and help my family. This though doesn’t do much for me in terms of fulfillment. I have tried many hobbies from traveling, photography(which I am still doing), gaming, sports, collecting, writing, art, working on my old car, and I recently took a liking to cooking. I seem to get really absorbed into things and then after a while I get bored and drop them. I don’t really understand why I do this but I seem to not enjoy continuing things I like after a while. I come back to them but I will eventually stop again. I even do it with gaming. I feel like I do things to see how far I can go before I just get bored with it and move on to the next hobby/challenge. I don’t even think I consider it a challenge just me seeing how far I can go before I get bored. This is also why I sometime go long periods of time before I update my website. I am amazed I still have the damn thing up lol. I sometimes think there isn’t anything in this world that can keep me interested in it longer than 6 months lol. The only reason my website is still up because I use it in correlation  to whatever I am into at the time. So it changes like me. I guess that  makes it something useful for me… lol Maybe the website is the only thing for me haha.

This is just my rant while I am sipping jack daniels on christmas eve..

have a merry christmas and a happy new year (i i dont update this site by then lol)